Monday, September 27, 2010

Did I Go Too Far?

Recently a friend flattered me with a request to incorporate my August 13 post, The Power of Will in Handling Adversity, into her monthly newsletter article. She raised a concern, however, that some of her readers might find a particular point offensive, and asked me if I’d be OK if she modified it. Her query got me to wondering if I had perhaps gone a bit too far in stressing the importance of power and will.

The section that gave her pause was the following:
“the bottom line is that both (power and will) are required for success. This is not just an issue for people with serious illnesses. People who live in a mentality of wishing, hoping, and wanting to lose ten pounds never achieve their goal until they commit to a change in behavior. The same holds true for the unemployed in a bad economy. Those who succeed in finding jobs are most often the ones who believe in their ability to do so, and are committed to doing what is necessary to achieve their goals.”

Her uneasiness stemmed from the possibility that someone who was out of work might feel as if they were being blamed for circumstances beyond their control. After kicking it back and forth a few times, we came up with the following alternative:

“the bottom line is that both are required for success. The good news in this observation is that there are people out there demonstrating what it takes to succeed in difficult times. A choice can be made to learn from their techniques, adapt new approaches, and achieve more success. Whether it has to do with fighting an illness, losing weight, winning a job, or confronting some other challenge, choice and will are always at play. They can define the limits of our success, or the potential of our opportunities.”

As we wrestled with the issue my response to her included the following:
“My life's work is largely about waking people up to their potential, and the possibilities beyond their self-limiting beliefs. ALS has taught me something about my own self-limiting beliefs, and it has pushed me to rise above them. Sometimes people need to be challenged. Sometimes they need to face the truth. "Choice" and "will" are more than just words. They are about responsibility and commitment to change. They are what make the difference. As long as people allow themselves the "out" that circumstances are "beyond their control" they set themselves up to abandon their responsibility and their power. The issue of a circumstance being beyond someone's control is irrelevant. The only thing that makes a difference is how one chooses to step up to the challenge.”

While writing these words, I felt a surge of emotion that amplified for me just how strongly I felt about making commitments and exercising choice and will. In living with ALS, I have had to commit to practices that many would shy away from in order to preserve my life and maintain the possibility of recovery. During my career as a management consultant, I met a wide range of people, some of whom were as strong-willed as I, and many who were not. As part of the work, it was often necessary to provide emotional support to people trying to implement or respond to difficult changes. Whether my clients were strong-willed or not, it was always a balancing act to be sensitive and understanding while challenging them to reach higher and accomplish more than they thought possible. It was in this spirit that I wrote the original words in the August 13 post. Do you think I went too far? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

1 comment:

  1. I don't know if you went too far, Joe. Certainly there are some who, due to "circumstances beyond their control" might find themselves unable to land new jobs. From personal experience, however - being unemployed for a good portion of 2009 - I found that I had to leave my comfort zone and change behavior. Never comfortable with networking, reaching out for help to people I knew and people I didn't, I forced myself to do it. When I finally had a real opportunity in front of me, I put aside my insecurities, and carried myself with the attitude that "of course, I'm the right one for this job". I do believe that confident presentation carried me over the threshold. So, I do think you have to reach for your goals and "believe in yourself". Along with having the relevant skill sets, strong communications skills and a little bit of luck are key ingredients as you go job searching.

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